You Know What Really Grinds My Gears?!: IPHONES (And a Begrudged Shopping Guide)

IPhones REALLY grind my gears. Specifically the way the iPhone has SOMEHOW become analogous with the word cell phone. All phones are NOT iPhones (thank God) and everyone doesn't own an iPhone! I could honestly write a dissertation on all the reasons I hate Apple products and iPhones, but today my grudge is against the monopoly iPhones have on the case/cover market.

Like can a sister get a beautiful phone cover for her NON-IPHONE!? There's this huge untapped market of cell phone owners who are missing out on all the great work that's being put into iPhone accessories!!!! Can someone invent a website, like Society 6, but where all of the items are phone cases. So if someone wants a specific print for their Galaxy...or Lumia OR IPHONE, they can get it in the same place?!

(Sidebar, Society 6 is a glorious website of creativity and customization that everyone should be aware of!)

ANYWAY. Here are some pretty bomb ass phone cases I'd buy IF I HAD an iPhone. (And better yet, I would buy if they'd make them for my more superior phone.)

CONCRETE CASE
CONCRETE IS AWESOME.

$25 at POSH PROJECTS

GOLD CASE
NOT TO FLASHY, JUST THE RIGHT
AMOUNT OF CLASS.

$140 at Etsy

MARBLE! I AM OBSESSED WITH MARBLE.
(Do we see a pattern of fabulous materials? A beautiful material is sometimes all you need.)

$25 at LEIF

FREAKING PRESSED FLOWERS
EPHEMERAL AND ANGELIC.
AND EACH CASE IS CUSTOM MADE.

$22 at Etsy

GLOW PHONE
SLEEK LINES AND FINE COLOR.

$25 at Fancy

MY FAVORITE CATCH PHRASE
But really...Ain't nobody got time for iPhones.

$35 at Society6

CALCULATOR!!!!!
Okay seriously. People don't understand the struggle that is calculating discounts from the sale rack. Ain't nobody got time to figure out how much 60% off of $39.99 is. And time spent looking for the calculator app is time NOT SPENT looking for more bargains. #NECESSARY.

$5 at Perpetual Kid

NAIL POLISH
Because honestly the print quality is jaw dropping. It looks so REAL.

$13 on Etsy

And these prints from Society 6  are just TO DIE FOR.

POMEGRANATE.
$35 at Society6

CACTUS.

$35 at Society6

SCALES.

$35 at Society6

END THIS INJUSTICE. DOWN WITH THE IPHONE MONOPOLY.

You know what really grinds my gears: Bubble Necklaces

These necklaces seriously infuriate me. They weren't even ok when they were first introduced on J.Crew before they became "trendy" and replicas started popping out of everyone's asses like pieces of shit. Ugly, pastel, plastic pieces of shit. You think you're all cute because you added a pop of color to your outfit, but really you look like a fool drowning in a sea of hideous dangling circles. It's just a bunch of plastic balls hooked onto a gold chain in the ugliest arrangement I've ever seen. Maybe I should just make a necklace out of pieces of shit that's been spray painted turquoise and attach it to a gold chain because then it would look exactly like this one.

This was the original description of the necklace on J.Crew's website:

"We brought it back: the defining J.Crew statement necklace (it's an icon) in 18k gold electroplated brass with hand-set resin cabochons and beads"

I don't care that it's 18k gold ELECTROPLATED brass, or that it has HAND-SET resin CABOCHONS and beads. I don't care about how many fancy words you try and use to describe this necklace of yours. It's hideous. The fact that you even considered it to be "an icon" makes me want to want to strangle you with your own bubble necklace and shove those hand-set resin cabochons and beads down your throat until you choke and die on your so called "statement necklace". Oh it makes a statement alright. A statement that says "I think colorful plastic balls sprawled over my boobs make me look so chic! OMG I'm such a fashionista because it looks like I bought this from J.Crew for $150 when really this is just a knock off version from Etsy." I hope you asphyxiate on those beads in your sleep.

It would make me so happy if I got strangled today!

Can we Add Apple and AT&T to the list of Boycotted Corporations?!

BP is destroying the planet and Apple's iCRAP STEVE JOBS NEEDS TO STOP RELEASING THE SAME SHIT IN A DIFFERENT PACKAGE is destroying any possibility of me ever owning a smartphone.

Not even out for a month and already sending my rage into dangerous levels.

Since when did AT&T stop offering unlimited data plans? OH WAIT. SINCE THE RELEASE OF THE iTAMPON APPARENTLY. GOD I HATE THAT THING. For the SHIT internet you get on cellphones I want to use it AS MUCH AS I WANT TO (read: Watch tons of Youtube videos at the push of a button FOR FREE no matter where I am and be able to drool at the pictures of Food Gawker while I'm in the grocery store) and I want to pay LESS than the amount I pay for internet on my REAL laptop.

I mean honestly, I'm fine with just GETTING a smartphone and using the other SMART features without using the internet at ALL. I HAVE a laptop already. I just want the other features! When cell phone companies start shutting down like landlines before them I will celebrate. I will spray champagne all over the windows of every cell phone store or office I can find and shower the employees with confetti as they exit with their final paycheck crying. And I won't feel a shed of sympathy.

I even gave the iPad a chance and tried one. OVERRATED. Such a waste of money. Just buy a Macbook please. For $400 more you get Photobooth, Garage Band, good movie making software, better protection of your goods, a keyboard, unlimited internet use, and unlimited downloading for free. Or for like $30 a month if you don't steal wireless from the suckers around you.

Gear Grinding: Concert Recession

An article on Yahoo this morning reads:

The recession has finally caught up with the lucrative concert touring industry.

Really? We're still reporting on the recession? That is so 2008. People have jobs. People are coping? Can we let go of the "recession mania" for a bit and just report news without stirring up the chaos that "your money will soon be worth nothing and everyone will live on the streets?" ATLEAST get with 2010 and blame it on BP. COME ON YAHOO, the problem of this year is BP, not the recession that people are finally getting over.

The industry trade magazine and website Pollstar says gross revenue for the top 100 tours in North America in the first six months of 2010 is down nearly $200 million from last year.

The total haul of $965.5 million was the lowest for the first half of the year since 2005 when gross revenue was $730.9 million.

Okay. So what is SO relevant about this then. I don't get it. Apparently the revenue BEFORE the recession were WAY less. I don't get the argument.

Major acts such as The Eagles, Christina Aguilera, Rihanna and the Lilith Fair have canceled or curtailed tours, but Pollstar editor in chief Gary Bongiovanni said others — including Lady GaGa, Taylor Swift, Justin Bieber and Muse — aren't having problems moving tickets.

OH I SEE NOW. The author of this is just generally stuck in the past.

 

Picture of Rihanna in the article from...IDK....3 YEARS AGO? When was the last time she looked like this, really. 

1. The Eagles? REALLY. The Eagles? Who released their LAST album in 2007 and haven't had a number 1 song since 1979. Love Hotel California to death....but stop trying to make it happen. Too many new rock bands that appeal to the concert goers.

2. Christina Aguilera who, while I love her death, is too lacking in identity to remain relevant. If she had a specific image I'm sure she would appeal to more people rather than just certain people at certain times. She's older now and her image isn't fun enough like Gwen Stefani or controversial enough like Britney Spears to sell out shows.

3. Rihanna.....and to this I say people are finally coming to their senses. But really....When she comes out with a new CD and the radio replaces RUDE BOY BOY with something equally as annoying I'm sure her shows will be sold out again. She's popular enough, she still has the Chris Brown disaster, she just needs new music....we're tired of hearing Rude Boy. Really. Tired. I wish she could come up with a lasting pop song. All of her songs are so fleety and annoying.

4. Lilith Fair? Who? Okay, after looking it up I've decided that it sounds like an amazing mix of my favorite 90s performers and IF I HAD HEARD ABOUT IT BEFORE I would probably go. However the organizers are not doing their jobs because KNOWING ABOUT IT is important.

So there. Revenue lost explained. I really don't get the argument when they get to the part about how Lady GaGa, Justin Bieber, Taylor Swift and Muse AREN'T having revenue lost. Oh, I don't know....maybe because they keep themselves RELEVANT, make GOOD music, are YOUTHFUL and appeal to the YOUTH CULTURE, are PROLIFIC. Some things musicians have to DO if they want to keep up their ticket sales. Jesus, musicians....so LAZY these days.

IN CONCLUSION:

STOP TRYING TO MAKE THE RECESSION HAPPEN.

Musicians are just whining about more money lost and need to step up their game and EARN their money by working the hard way.

Woo. Gear grinded Yahoo.

KE$HA GRINDS MY GEARS

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

THANK YOU College Humor for so eloquently putting my feelings for this trollop into words/video.

This was funny too, although I disagree. Ke$ha is too far gone for help.

8 Bit APOCALYPSE NOW

PIXELS by PATRICK JEAN.
Uploaded by onemoreprod. - Independent web videos.

Another interpretation of what could happen on December 21, 2012 (or how the world will end in general). 8 Bit makes everything better. I think I'd prefer this to something like, oh say....2012.

Who even came up with the Mayan "end of the world" crap? I didn't really care about it before....but then I lost 2 precious hours of my life when I watched 2012 and ever since then I have been really bitter towards the whole 2012 mania. 

I vote that we build a submarine, load up of the people who started the "world will end in 2012" and more importantly the people who wrote and ALLOWED 2012 to be unleashed upon the innocent public, then drop the submarine into the Mariana's or San Andreas fault or something. Symbolic of the time John Cusack fell into the earth's crust in his RV then magically hoisted himself out and proceeded to run fast enough to catch a plane basically at take off speed. GTFO 2012.

FOX NEWS LOLZ

I am the Fox News crusader. I mean I consider myself pretty moderate, but the one institution that can always get a rise out of me is Fox News (mainly Bill O'Reilly but thank GOD he isn't in this). And this interview is just.....I am speechless.

"SPECULATING ON WHETHER SHE HAS A MALE MEMBER OR NOT, AND WHETHER IT HAS BEEN CUT OFF OR NOT." 

And also, Telephone (which according to this woman is a form of pornography) is inspiring the sexual predators, which apparently live next door to everyone, to rape girls.

And also, Lady GaGa studied music at  NYU, that liberal CESSPOOL.

iPad

Apple released their tablet PC today and apple-stans around the world reached orgasm and then everything exploded. I MYSELF, can appreciate a Mac....there are some cool things going on there, but by no means do I suck Apple D. And for that reason I am saying the iPad is the UGLIEST, most UNORIGINAL piece of crap ever.

I CALL BS. AND APPLE WAS LYING SO THEY HAVE TO TAKE THE WHOLE DECK.

I MEAN SERIOUSLY APPLE. THIS IS WHAT YOU GIVE US? COME ON.

The ReasonS Why iPad is not worth your life savings (because I'm sure that's how much it costs). next paycheck.

0. It costs $500 which is in fact NOT the price of your life savings but instead the price of an iPhone...which begs the question.....what makes this any different than an iPhone other than the size. I mean when I say tablet COMPUTER...I actually want a tablet COMPUTER...You know something that runs say...PHOTOSHOP or some kind of extensive graphic program that I'd actually USE a tablet FOR. IDK. Just saying. $500...pretty cheap for apple...questionable.

1. THE NAME. iPAD. PAD?! THERE WERE NO BETTER WORDS THAN PAD IN THE THESAURUS WHEN THEY LOOKED UP TABLET? iTablet even sounds better!
I can already imagine the akward conversations:
"Hey everyone, check out my new iPad!"
"What? I never saw that brand at CVS...who makes it? Kotex or Always? Or maybe it's some generic off brand?"

iPAD. PSH.

2. It's ugly as all sin. If I wanted an iPhone, I'll buy an iPhone. If I want apple's NEW TABLET COMPUTER, I want something that doesn't look like a FUCKING PICTURE FRAME VERSION OF AN IPHONE.

iSANITARY NAPKIN or Digital Picture Frame? The world may never know....

But SERIOUSLY, the iPhone came out like what....a year ago (when converted to technology time that equals atleast 10 years ago). It's 2010, a new decade...it's time for some futuristic innovation. I don't want the same old same old. I want a tablet PC that is like Optimus Prime. THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE THE FUTURE. WE MAY NOT HAVE FLYING CARS, BUT LET'S ATLEAST GET PAST THE IPHONE CRAZE. TIME FOR SOMETHING NEW.

3. Giant unprotected screen is just asking for disaster.

4. Another reason it's not worth buying is because after the initial shock and awe has passed (hopefully SOON) people will realize how UGLY and pointless this piece of shit is....then Apple will HOPEFULLY invent a new one that isn't called iPAD and doesn't look like it should be displaying a slideshow on my dresser. HOPEFULLY the next version has some kind of Optimus Prime-like transformation from regular macbook, to tablet macbook. And I'll be paying the price of a REAL computer because it actually IS A real computer. And artists around the world can finally have a tablet Mac and not have to buy Wacom tablets anymore.

I am just overall DISAPPOINTED. Is it too much to ask for some innovation in 2010! James Cameron started us off with a bang! Let's keep that technology revolution going!!!!

iPAD. PSHHHHHH!!!!

You Know What Really Grinds My Gears: SOULJA BOY

HOLY F. If there is one person on this planet I absolutely cannot stand (other than Sarah Palin) it is SOULJA BOY. I WISH HE WOULD STFD.

Why the F is he wearing a neck pillow for 90% of this video?! HE HAS NO SWAG.

I'll admit, Crank That was hot for like five seconds but who told this FOOL to record more stuff?! And why would ANY radio station in their right mind play this shit?! I don't know what grinds my gears more...the RIDICULOUS content of his songs, the RIDICULOUS TITLES of his songs, or how AWFUL his voice/"rap" is.

Can I just point out that his "songs" consist of a single line repeated over and over followed by him having a conversation with the microphone. He doesn't even rap! He just runs his stupid f'ing mouth off and makes me want to kill myself.

Let's go through some of his songs:

Doo Doo Head
She's a Doo Head, Ha mouth stank
A Doo Doo Head, Ha mouth stank
She's a Doo Head, Ha mouth stank
A Doo Doo Head, Ha mouth stank

I was at this party talking to this bitch, when she open up ha mouth and it smelled like shit,
Im like got damn whats going on, shawty u look right, but yo breathe smell wrong, I said
doo doo head you's a doo doo head, and that bitch got mad and ha friend got sad, so she
sayin to me why u do me like that, i said damn lil shawty cause u need tic tacs, AAAAYYY

Crank That Michael Jackson
Michael Jackson in this mirror,
oh look I am shaking spheres
I crank to never land
and I move of that***
I jump on he he
I jump on he he
I jump on he he
I jump on
(This is the whole song).

YAHHH
(Hey, SoulJa Boy, can I get your autograph?) Yahhh, Bitch, Yahhh!
(Yo, Arab, I really like you, man) Yahhh, Bitch, Yahhh!
(Is Collipark-) Yah, Yah, Bitch, Yah Yahhh!
(Yeah, I was wonderin, can I be on your next-) Yahhh, Yahhh, Bitch!

Get out my face hoe
Get out my face hoe
Get out my face hoe
Get out my face hoe
Get out my face hoe
Get out my face hoe
Get out my face hoe
Get out my face (Yahhh!)

Gucci Bandana
Ey, Gucci Bandanna, Gucci, Gucci Bandanna,
Ey, Gucci Bandanna, Gucci, Gucci Bandanna,
Ey, Gucci Bandanna, Gucci, Gucci Bandanna,
Ey, Gucci Bandanna, Gucci, Gucci Bandanna,
Ey, Gucci Bandanna, Gucci, Gucci Bandanna,
Ey, Gucci Bandanna, Gucci, Gucci Bandanna,
Ey, Gucci Bandanna, Gucci, Gucci Bandanna,
Ey, Gucci Bandanna, Gucci, Gucci Bandanna

I Got Me Some Bapes
[Soulja Boy:] Aye Rab mayne i just got back from the mall mayne guess what I got?
[Arab:] What you get Soulja Boy
[Soulja Boy:] Mayne I got me some bathing apes

[Chorus x4]
I got me some bathing apes
I got I got me some bathing apes

I go I got me some bathing apes
I got I got I got me some bathing apes
I I I I I

Booty Meat

Yall Dis 1 Rite Hur Is For All Dem Gurlz Wit Dat Bootymeat
Bootymeat [X4]

Girl Shake Dat Bootymeat Dat Bootymeat Shake Dat Bootymeat Dat Bootymeat
Girl Shake Dat Bootymeat Dat Bootymeat Dat Bootymeat Dat Bootymeat
Gurl Shake Dat Bootymeat Dat Bootymeat Shake Dat Bootymeat Dat Bootymeat Gurl Shake
Dat Bootymeat Dat Bootymeat Dat Bootymeat Dat Bootymeat

10 On Pump 4

My Squad Hoppin' Out At 6:45,(6:45)
I Neva Get Sleep So Im Alwayz Tired

Ey, What You Heard,We On Da Scene

I Need 10 On Pump 4,We Buyin' Gasoline
Ey, What You Heard,We On Da Scene
I Need 10 On Pump 4,We Buyin' Gasoline
Ey, What You Heard,We On Da Scene
I Need 10 On Pump 4,We Buyin' Gasoline

I can't stand this man. And what part him things he has so called "~SWAG~"?! Soulja Boy is such a cliche rap name, he couldn't come up with anything better? SWAG MY ASS. He probably read the name in a Kanye West album booklet. And what the hell is iSouljaBoyTellEm.Com? GTFO OF THE SUBURBS. "SOULJAS" DON'T HAVE INTERNET OR IPODS.

AND GUCCI BANDANNAS MAKE YOU LOOK LIKE A TOOL.

DIE IN A FIRE PLEASE.

You know what really grinds my gears: Scrubs on MTV

For those of you loyal WOTS followers, back over @ Uber I put up a post about Scrubs playing on TV Land. A bit odd, but I could live with it. Now this. THIS! Scrubs DOES NOT belong on MTV. Have you SEEN the lineup of MTV's regular daytime shows? Parental Control, Is She Really Going Out with Him?, Next, 16 and Pregnant, Room Raiders, you get the point. Do any of these shows go hand in hand or even is the slightest bit cohesive with Scrubs? NO! Now I'm probably going to have to hear from little 12 year old teeny boppers "OMG Scrubs that's like my favorite show, it's sooo cool. I loved when they did that episode with the air band. I totally play in a band, too. Rock Band."

UGHHHH! Why is this golden fleece among the Gorgons?! Why did they allow MTV to do this. WHO allowed MTV to do this?! I'm going to take that person who came up with this BRILLIANT idea and grate their face against a cheese grater, gouge their eyes out syringes, have a Dilophosaurus from Jurassic Park spit ACID in his face, spin them around 3 times then tie them to a harness which will lower them into a pit of lava which will slowly burn his/her legs off and force them to listen to Ted and his quartet sing "I want my baby back baby back baby back" over an amplified megaphone and the volume will get louder and louder until his ear drums explode. After this, I'll take their leg-less body out of the harness, tie it to the back of a car which will drag their body across gravel and glass-shard-ridden roads while their body's being chased after a hungry pack of pitbulls until they tear him/her apart.

MTV. Stop trying to be "cool". K Thanks.

Gear Grinding: Unnecessary Apologies

Okay, I was reading this article on Yahoo! titled "Cowell's Confession: Sim Says, "I'm Wrong." And the subject of this article really started grinding my gears so I have to blog about it.

Basically it's about how Simon Cowell was harsh in his criticisms to people like Susan Boyle and all the kids they let pass on Britain's Got Talent and that while he is usually dead on in his criticisms no matter how harsh they are, this time "he was wrong for saying what he did."
Pardon my french but, fuck that. His criticisms are only harsh because now he's saying them to some 50 year old virgin religious cat lady and 10 year olds. When he says it to a 30 year old struggling single mother or 20 year old in the midst of their college years it's okay? But not now?

FALSE.

The entertainment business IS harsh in it's nature. If anyone is going to pursue their dreams of being an entertainer they damn well better be prepared for harsh criticism, NO MATTER AGE, RACE, MENTAL CAPABILITIES, BEAUTY, SOCIAL STATUS. IDFC. If you suck you suck. If you're amazing you're amazing.

Simon says: "Yet, perhaps my biggest regret of this year was...with Aidan Davis, the 11-year-old street dancer from Birmingham. In the final, I made him cry, too, by describing his performance as lackluster--it was a huge, huge mistake. It almost ruined the whole evening for everyone...I had treated him as I would an adult, forgetting that he was only an 11-year-old child with a dream. I apologized to him afterwards, but it didn't make me feel any better about it. Moral of the story? I don't always get it right. Looking back, I know I could've been kinder."

Why should I lie and tell a 10 year old they have the voice of a goddess when they don't? So that I can live to regret the day I told that lie when I have to painfully listen to them perform every day since. Fuck that too. That's what parents are for. Let the parents lie to their children and tell them they sing/dance great or how fantastic their artwork is. AS A PROFESSIONAL TALENT SCOUNT IT IS NOT SIMON'S JOB TO LIE TO THESE PEOPLE. They should be mentally prepared for whatever he's saying to them. And if he says you suck then TOUGH SHIT. Go back to your studio and practice until you get better.

Omg. It really pisses me off how sensitive people are these days. I FOR ONE AM TIRED OF LAME, CLICHE THINGS CONTINUOUSLY GETTING PRAISED BECAUSE SOME GENIUS PLAYS THAT WEAK, CHILD/UGLY CARD. CHILDREN DO NOT ALWAYS EQUAL TALENT. I SAID IT. So Simon, you should not apologize. You told a ballerina what she needed to hear. She's 10. She has 90 years to fine tune her skills. Maybe she'll be the next Madonna. THE POINT IS THAT SHE HAS TIME TO BECOME THAT SO STFD WHINY BABIES.

And Susan Boyle is a 50 year old woman. If she doesn't know how the world works by now...that's pathetic. The fact that she's treated like a 10 year old too should be insulting to her. The fact that she's acting like a 10 year old is insulting to me.

And back to the topic of children in showbiz, it's not just the children's fault. PARENTS. If you're going to showcase your child then you should EXPECT harsh realities from other people. JEEZ. It makes me upset to see how, pardon me again, pussy entertainment is becoming. I want the harsh old days back when people actually had to WORK to get their high status. And not just cry on TV and make everyone feel bad for them so they can win.

And Stavros Flatley should've won. F YOU BRITAIN.

You Know What Really Grinds My Gears: DRIVING

I try to mind my words on the blog, but my gears are SO GROUND I'm throwing decency into the wind.

I have spent a good (read: 80%) of my summer thus far DRIVING. And while it usually doesn't bother me THAT MUCH, it has REALLY been working my last DAMN nerve lately. Gears GROUND.

It all started on the long (read: 13 hours. May not be much for you but it's TORTURE for me) drive from Miami to New Orleans. On top of my 4 hours of sleep I had to drive WEST AT SUNSET. You know that PRIME time of the day when the sun is like "OH HAI EYES. I'M JUST GOING TO BLIND YOU FOR A FEW FUCKING HOURS. I HOPE YOU DON'T GO OFF THE ROAD ON ACCIDENT OR MISS YOUR EXIT."

There's nothing better than driving west at sunset. OH WAIT, there are a TON of things better than driving west at sunset:
Drinking cyanide, eating roaches for dinner, running a 5K, shitting on yourself in public, Charles Manson, watching Barney, self dismemberment, going bankrupt, getting an STD, teen pregnancy, Donatella Versace's plastic surgery and tan, commercials on the radio, restaurant food that tastes like shit and costs the same as a race horse, drowning, falling nightmares, gay guys you wish were straight, prison, racial discrimination, ice age, mass human extinction--
OH WAIT. ALL OF THOSE THINGS MAKE ME WANT TO KILL MYSELF. BUT THEY ARE STILL BETTER THAN DRIVING WEST AT SUNSET.

AND WHAT THE FUCK ARE THE CAR MANUFACTURING ASS DOUCHES PUTTING IN THE "SUN SHADES" FOR? THEY DON'T SHADE SHIT CHRYSLER/FORD/HONDA/TOYOTA/BMW. They might was well just not put anything there because ALL IT DOES IS TEASE ME. AND PISS ME OFF EVEN MORE BECAUSE IT JUST DOESN'T REACH FAR ENOUGH. GET A LESSON IN SUN ANGLES ASSHOLES.

It's called a SUN CHART. Assholes. How about some kind of sun shade that actually ALLOWS ME TO DRIVE BETWEEN THE HOURS OF 4 AND 7. STUPID ASS FACES.

Oh no. But even when the sun ISN'T shining in my eyes there are these lovely things called IDIOT DRIVERS to make my life difficult. I don't know WHAT WORLD anyone lives in these days, but in MY WORLD the left lane is also known as "THE FAST LANE" AKA YOU ARE GOING OVER THE SPEED LIMIT AKA YOU ARE NOT GOING THE SPEED LIMIT OR UNDER IT AKA IF YOUR ASS IS GOING 60 GET THE FUCK OVER IDIOT.

There are even SIGNS for this shit. I SWORE IT WAS REAL.

I don't know why people go the speed limit in the fast lane!! 90% of the time when I'm speeding on the interstate it's because I'VE GOT SHIT TO DO! And your SLOW ASS IS BLOCKING ME IN BECAUSE SOME OTHER IDIOT DOUCHEBAG IS TRYING TO RACE ME ON THE RIGHT AND BLOCKING ME FROM GETTING OVER TO PASS YOU. If you see me speeding up on you THAT MEANS GET OVER BECAUSE YOU'RE GOING TO SLOW. And if you're not even going to go over 60 WHY ARE YOU IN THE LANE AT ALL. IDIOTS.

I was speeding with GOOD REASON.

My BBY ANTON. ILU. You did not disappoint. EL SENOR BALE STOP THROWING BITCH FITS PLEASE.

And as dishonorable/not serious as my reason MAY HAVE BEEN, you still need to GTFO. GET THE FUCK OVER...OR OUT I COULD CARE LESS EITHER WAY AS LONG AS YOU'RE GONE.

Driving. I QUIT YOU.
ALL ABOARD THE RAILCAT.

End rant.

You know what really grinds my gears: Animal Traffickers

[WARNING: Some gross pictures in post]

"The Thai Navy arrested eight animal traffickers in possession of two tiger carcasses, both chopped in half, and 45 pangolins as they attempted to smuggle the animals across the Mekong River into Lao PDF." via Planet Save



Do you REALLY need exotic animal skin that bad? I mean I'm no animal activist peta freak, but this is just vile, AND now those peta bizzaros are probably going to include these images in their stupid peta campaigns and the slide shows they use to try and manipulate people into shoving gory photos in your face all around town and running naked on runways ruining all the hard work those designers put into their fashion shows. URRGHHHH see what this has become!? A DOUBLE grind my gears. About YOU idiot traffickers and those dumb peta pinheads. I hope one day I catch you trafficking some animals so I can lay you on top of a bed of rusty tetnis infected nails and shards of glass AND FIRE then have tigers, lions and bears pounce on top of your burning body til those objects pierce through your organs. Oh, and also while I force you to watch those disgusting peta videos. Don't you dare harm Mike's cousins.

GEAR GRINDING: YOUTUBE SNOBS

Okay so it REALLY grinds my gears when I'm wasting away my life on Youtube and I happen upon some awesome video full of LULZ or talent or amazing or fail and I just want to share it on WotS. But OH WAIT, the snob who made the video has disabled embedding. What is so bad about embedding a video?

I mean, when I post it on my page I'm sharing it with other people. And from there they can click the video and go to the original page, favorite and comment if they want. Yada yada. And whenever someone views the video on my page, the video views still count on your video. I feel like embedding actually gets people THOUSANDS more views.

Why do you make it hard for me to put videos on my blog UNIVERSALMUSICGROUP. You know what...It's okay because your music sucks ANYWAY. I'll just post videos of artists who like to SHARE their work with other people. So screw you UNIVERSALMUSICGROUP and your "embedding disabled by request" nonsense. I hope your future videos only get 100 views because no one can share them with their friends. And your profile page looks STUPID.

You Know What Really Grinds My Gears: SUNGLASSES

Sunglasses: Can't live with them, can't live without them. Or maybe you CAN live with them if you AREN'T me. Those that know me well know that I'm a magnet for awesome sunglasses. I have like 20 pairs spread between New Orleans and Miami, functional glasses, novelty glasses, etc etc. I love them. I'm saving up money to buy Ray Ban's because sunglasses are like number 2 on my life priority list.

I woke up today and it was windy and overcast so I dress appropriately, go to class yada yada. Well I get out of class and OH HAY, the clouds are gone and it's about 100 degrees now (another thing that GRINDS MY GEARS). AWESOME. And to top it off...ALL OF MY SUNGLASSES ARE OUT OF COMMISSION because they hate me and anything that CAN put a scratch in ALL of my sunglasses did...rendering them essentially OPAQUE. There's nothing like walking on white pavement on a sunny day (that's a lie. It's actually pretty similiar to walking in an aluminum foil room with the sun shining brightly in). So I decide....it's time to buy some new sunglasses. And not scratch them to hell this time.

Go to Ross. They've got some lovely pink Playboy brand sunglasses. But I think Playboy is a little to classy for me. Dejected, I head to a mall knowing I'll only be able to admire Ray Ban's from the window of Sunglass Hut because $140 for sunglasses is blasphemous. So I do admire them from the window, leave. Then I stumbled upon one of those sketch booths in the middle of the mall that sold sunglasses!!! 2 for $20 basically. And they had Ray Ban knockoffs! Perfect!

So I buy my new Ray Ban knockoffs. It's like heaven to put them on and NOT see scratches. And even better, the glasses CAME WITH a protective case thing (not a very good one but it's better than nothing...which was what I was doing before). AWESOME. So I throw the glasses, IN THEIR CASE, into my purse. They can't get damaged that way right?

....

OH NO. THE PIECES OF S**T ALREADY HAVE A SCRATCH. I MIGHT HAVE TO KILL SOMEONE. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, IS IT SO HARD TO MAKE SCRATCH PROOF GLASSES?! THAT ARE KNOCK OFF BRAND* I'd think that would just involve making the lens out of glass? I don't have any diamonds with which to scratch glass so it should be fine. JEEZ. I JUST WANT TO SEE CLEARLY. now the rain is gone.

You know what really grinds my gears: BlackBerry Pearl

I'm down with the BlackBerrys. They're trendy, functional, good lookin phones, but the Pearl on the other hand, that's a different story. I feel like the Pearl is for people who want a BlackBerry, but can't afford the nicer aka real ones like the Curve. What's the point of getting the Pearl? It doesn't even look like a BB. It just looks like one of those Nokia phones, and the buttons on there are so tiny!! Were these phones developed especially for fetus' fingers? Pearl users think they're going to wow someone just because there's a little ensigma on the top of their phone screen that says "BlackBerry". Well guess what: YA NOT! I know you really wanted that BB Storm but didn't have the $$$. I don't care if you got those free shiz phones. Hell, I got one too! Just don't be bustin out that BB Pearl on me okay? And what the hell is this flip Pearl? I hope those BB Pearl flip phone users cellphones spontaneously explode in their pockets/purses and kill them because that is the ugliest shiz i've ever seen in my life. BlackBerry Pearl? Might as well rename it BlackBerry Poo.

You know what really grinds my gears: Nintendo commercials

I feel like I've seen these on tv 30942304823082043523 times! I just wanna take their heads and smash it against the television til either the tv or their heads breaks. Actually, how about til BOTH of them breaks. The acting is soo terrible, and not even in the funny-type-terrible acting way. "You should get that" "I'm getting it!" SHUT UP! GOD!!

and this one too. Nintendo, please slap yoself

You know what really grinds my gears: Lost keys

One and a half days. ONE AND A HALF DAYS is how long I've been enduring this torture. My bedroom is practically a crack den right now, so I'm throwing mountains of clothing off my floor onto my bed, then off of my bed back onto the floor. I've gone through every nook and cranny of my dressers and cabinets. Bathroom and kitchen. Roomate's bedrooms. Dirty clothes hampers, washer and dryer. The search began Wednesday night and continued til this afternoon.

It was the most tortuous thing I've ever experienced. I even missed a couple of classes because of it. I told one of my roommates that I rather have someone stab me in the eye with a syringe and pull it done til it cut the whole length of my body than go through the agony of searching for my keys. And just a few minutes ago, I went through all of that to find out that my keys were in the cushion of our sofa the WHOLE TIME.

I think I'm going to find someway to attach my keys onto my body.