Friday, April 26, 2013

You know what really grinds my gears: Bubble Necklaces

These necklaces seriously infuriate me. They weren't even ok when they were first introduced on J.Crew before they became "trendy" and replicas started popping out of everyone's asses like pieces of shit. Ugly, pastel, plastic pieces of shit. You think you're all cute because you added a pop of color to your outfit, but really you look like a fool drowning in a sea of hideous dangling circles. It's just a bunch of plastic balls hooked onto a gold chain in the ugliest arrangement I've ever seen. Maybe I should just make a necklace out of pieces of shit that's been spray painted turquoise and attach it to a gold chain because then it would look exactly like this one.

This was the original description of the necklace on J.Crew's website:

"We brought it back: the defining J.Crew statement necklace (it's an icon) in 18k gold electroplated brass with hand-set resin cabochons and beads"

I don't care that it's 18k gold ELECTROPLATED brass, or that it has HAND-SET resin CABOCHONS and beads. I don't care about how many fancy words you try and use to describe this necklace of yours. It's hideous. The fact that you even considered it to be "an icon" makes me want to want to strangle you with your own bubble necklace and shove those hand-set resin cabochons and beads down your throat until you choke and die on your so called "statement necklace". Oh it makes a statement alright. A statement that says "I think colorful plastic balls sprawled over my boobs make me look so chic! OMG I'm such a fashionista because it looks like I bought this from J.Crew for $150 when really this is just a knock off version from Etsy." I hope you asphyxiate on those beads in your sleep.

It would make me so happy if I got strangled today!

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