Ask a Silly Question a la Craigslist

I have 2 dogs & I was buying a large bag of Pal at Big W and standing inline at the check out.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Pal Diet again although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Pal nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned. I told her no; it was because I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.

I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.

Stupid b*tch...why else would I buy dog food?? 

I love sarcastic people.

via Craigslist

James Cameron pwns himself

"After six rounds on the foreign circuit, "Avatar" on the weekend became the biggest-grossing offshore title in movie history. The James Cameron mega-budget blockbuster rolled up an overseas cume through Sunday of $1.288 billion, exceeding by $46 million "Titanic's" 13-year international boxoffice record of $1.242 billion. The record actually fell Saturday, as predicted" via THR

I literally was watching Titanic the other day thinking, "Will anyone ever beat Titanic's record?" Question answered.

PWONG'D SOME B'S

I found a new game. It's like PONG but more Fabulous. The Tetris Techno makes the game so much better and you feel like a real badass PWNING UP ON SOME NOOBS.

PLAY PLAY PLAY


I'M PWNING IT.

SPAZZ BAM BOOM BANG RAZZZZMATAZZ

AHHHHH It's been so long and I have all this internetage bottled up inside of me and I just have to let it out in one colassal EXPLOSION post!!

When I got a text about the Oprah KFC free meal coupons earlier this week, my roomate and I print out like a gazillion of them. I just found out that KFC is cancelling the deal. Epic fail KFC.

Speaking of texts... ever get that one text that you just wanna mass forward text to all your contacts because it's just so unbelievable aka hilarious? Well now you can post it to the word via texts from last night. I'd say it's the FML of the txting world.

Meat business cards! Meat! Meat! Meat! It's a treat!

Mmmmm a photo blog about hospital food.



Watch Youtube videos in kaleidoscope collage weird mosaic whatever it's called.


Pasta bowls now available at Domino's!

Finally, a place where I can learn how to beat up dinosaurs, sacks of nickels and pretty much anything in the universe! howtobeatupanything.com Do it. Oh, and do this:

The Customer is NOT Right

Not Always Right is this hilarious website where people who work in retail post funny exchanges with customers who are plain stupid/off in the head/slow. I found this one particularly amusing.

The Produce Section is Too Deep to Ford
Grocery Store | Edmonton, Canada

(I was a customer observing this exchange.)

Customer: *picks up an apple and takes a large bite out of it*

Employee: “Sir, what are you doing?”

Customer: “I’m sampling an apple to make sure it’s not mealy. The last apples I got here were all mealy.”

Employee: “Er…it’s generally not a very good idea to do that…those aren’t washed.”

Customer: *sets the apple back down* “YOU DON’T WASH THEM?! Don’t you know you can spread dysentery?!”

Employee: “They’re washed before they come in here, but we can’t wash them on the shelf. And sir, you have to pay for that.”

Customer: “F*** that! I’m not paying for something that’ll give me dysentery!”

Employee: “We can’t sell an apple that has a HUGE BITE taken out of it!”

Customer: *stomps off*

Customer #2: *observing nearby “Someone should tell him, ‘You have died of dysentery.’”

ICWUDT

This was almost epic until I saw the gallons of apple juice on the floor. FAIL.



Oh god, essays always make my life so productive...on everything EXCEPT the essay.

Bash.Org

BASH.ORG
This website is FULL of lulz. They host funny online dialouges between people. I've been lulz'ing all over the place. Here are some of my favs:

A: Man, my penis is so big if I laid it out on a keyboard it'd go all the way from A to Z
A: wait, shit

A: I gotta go. There's a dude next to me and he's watching me type, which is sort of starting to creep me out. Yes dude next to me, I mean you.

A: don't you hate it when you shit on the floor, and you can hear it fall but you have no idea where it actually landed, and spend like 5 minutes looking for it
B: ...
B: what?
A: oh shit
A: don't you hate it when you DROP shit

[TN]FBMachine: i got kicked out of barnes and noble once for moving all the bibles into the fiction section

Locl-Yocl: I helped the EMTs at a car wreck and got blood all over my arms and shirt. It looked like I murdered 20 people with a fork... anyway, I walked into a convieniance store down the street and said my girlfriend needs a tampon. The guy at the counter was mortified.

A: 67% of girls are stupid
B: i belong with the other 13%

Keep reading the top 100 here
Note: The stupid blog got rid of the people's screennames so I just put A and B to denote different speakers.