If You Thought Daft Punk Had a Sweet Setup....

DO WANT.

Nerd Alert Protect Your Skin

Sunscreen: The bane of my existence. Not really...but imagine yourself laying face down in the sand on your extra long, super soft beach towel, waves drowning out all the noises, sun pleasantly warming you, on the verge of having the greatest beach nap ever when: "CAN YOU PUT THIS SUNSCREEN ON MY BACK?" or even worse when someone sprays their SPF 100 into the wind and the COLD sunscreen flyaways blow all over you. And this happens about every 20 minutes. FML.

However, protecting your skin is important.....so if you are the over-cautious sunscreen user I introduce to you:

A WRISTBAND THAT TELLS YOU EXACTLY WHEN YOUR SUNSCREEN WEARS OFF. No more reapplications every 20 minutes (hopefully).

How does it work?
Well you put on your sunscreen, then you put some of the same sunscreen on the bracelet. Then the bracelet changes colors as the sunscreen becomes less effective at blocking UV rays.

And is it reasonable?
At $4 for a 7 pack I hope everyone and their family buys some. And free shipping with Amazon Prime (which IF YOU ARE A STUDENT YOU GET AMAZON PRIME FOR A YEAR FOR FREE).

Mood ring of the 21st century.

ECO WARRIOR

BRB. I'm shaking and crying from cute/SAD overload.

The Fun Theory

I just want to call attention to a group that calls itself The Fun Theory and aims to "change people's behavior for the better" by making every day tasks fun. All of their ideas are just so creative and forward thinking. I wish these ideas could be implemented on a massive scale all over the world. Private investors, where you at?

Insert old can as credit. Pull slot lever for chance to win a free, cold drink.

The Public Transportation Train that turns each riding ticket into a lottery ticket. "The whole train erupts into a party when someone wins" and money falls from the ceiling.

Seriously, check out the other ideas on the website. It's so simple and we can make cities so much nicer with more fun.

And you thought chalkboard paint was cool...

FINALLY!!! I saw this a while back when they were just coming up with it in theory, but now it's an actual product that is available for purchase! Ideapaint can turn any surface into a dry erase board. On their website one 50 square foot kit goes for about $200. I cannot wait until they expand their brand and the price of the paint goes down. I WANT!!

The Best Thing Since the Clap Light

Ooooh Lazy Paradise, REJOICE! I'd never have to get up and unlock my door again!

There's a nifty little DIY-Tutorial on how to make one of these for yourself at Instructables.

Lack of oxygen makes better creation from the brain. Therefore, i dive under the water, then finally before death, I create suddenly in the brain

Yoshiro Nakamatsu is the inventor of the floppy disk, cd, dvd and kareoke machine. He started inventing when he was 5 years old and still holds the world-breaking record of 3,000 patents. This dude is sooo amazing and HILARIOUS!

Apple should have invented this instead of the iPad

I present to you the L5 iPhone remote! This little acessory connects to your iPhone OR iPod touch via the dock, and it works without WiFi, external power or batteries. This combined with its companion app allows you to create your own on-screen remote using the library of buttons included in the app and turn your iPhone/iPod touch into your very own, portable universal remote!

iPad

Apple released their tablet PC today and apple-stans around the world reached orgasm and then everything exploded. I MYSELF, can appreciate a Mac....there are some cool things going on there, but by no means do I suck Apple D. And for that reason I am saying the iPad is the UGLIEST, most UNORIGINAL piece of crap ever.

I CALL BS. AND APPLE WAS LYING SO THEY HAVE TO TAKE THE WHOLE DECK.

I MEAN SERIOUSLY APPLE. THIS IS WHAT YOU GIVE US? COME ON.

The ReasonS Why iPad is not worth your life savings (because I'm sure that's how much it costs). next paycheck.

0. It costs $500 which is in fact NOT the price of your life savings but instead the price of an iPhone...which begs the question.....what makes this any different than an iPhone other than the size. I mean when I say tablet COMPUTER...I actually want a tablet COMPUTER...You know something that runs say...PHOTOSHOP or some kind of extensive graphic program that I'd actually USE a tablet FOR. IDK. Just saying. $500...pretty cheap for apple...questionable.

1. THE NAME. iPAD. PAD?! THERE WERE NO BETTER WORDS THAN PAD IN THE THESAURUS WHEN THEY LOOKED UP TABLET? iTablet even sounds better!
I can already imagine the akward conversations:
"Hey everyone, check out my new iPad!"
"What? I never saw that brand at CVS...who makes it? Kotex or Always? Or maybe it's some generic off brand?"

iPAD. PSH.

2. It's ugly as all sin. If I wanted an iPhone, I'll buy an iPhone. If I want apple's NEW TABLET COMPUTER, I want something that doesn't look like a FUCKING PICTURE FRAME VERSION OF AN IPHONE.

iSANITARY NAPKIN or Digital Picture Frame? The world may never know....

But SERIOUSLY, the iPhone came out like what....a year ago (when converted to technology time that equals atleast 10 years ago). It's 2010, a new decade...it's time for some futuristic innovation. I don't want the same old same old. I want a tablet PC that is like Optimus Prime. THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE THE FUTURE. WE MAY NOT HAVE FLYING CARS, BUT LET'S ATLEAST GET PAST THE IPHONE CRAZE. TIME FOR SOMETHING NEW.

3. Giant unprotected screen is just asking for disaster.

4. Another reason it's not worth buying is because after the initial shock and awe has passed (hopefully SOON) people will realize how UGLY and pointless this piece of shit is....then Apple will HOPEFULLY invent a new one that isn't called iPAD and doesn't look like it should be displaying a slideshow on my dresser. HOPEFULLY the next version has some kind of Optimus Prime-like transformation from regular macbook, to tablet macbook. And I'll be paying the price of a REAL computer because it actually IS A real computer. And artists around the world can finally have a tablet Mac and not have to buy Wacom tablets anymore.

I am just overall DISAPPOINTED. Is it too much to ask for some innovation in 2010! James Cameron started us off with a bang! Let's keep that technology revolution going!!!!

iPAD. PSHHHHHH!!!!

Egg timer of the future

Who likes watching eggs boil? I know I don't. I also know I don't own an egg timer. So what's the alternative? Egg Watchers! All you have to do is choose the size of your egg, whether or not you got it from the fridge, and how you firm you would like you egg, then Egg Watchers selects a video which fits perfectly into your egg cooking time frame! Enjoy a video while you egg cooks. Then enjoy your egg after! It's a win-win for everyone.

For the BROKE DJ

I introduce....the best. Website. Ever.

If the sparkling dazzle effect doesn't sell you then.......you have no soul.

http://twoyoutubevideosandamotherfuckingcrossfader.com/

Seriously, no exaggeration. If I ever have to DEEJ a party I'm using this. You just search for the two songs you want to Mix then there's a LEGIT CROSSFADE button between them for convenient song switching. DONE AND DONE.

Slow Your Roll

As someone who can't take the boost/jitters that comes with energy drinks I really appreciate this invention:

SLOW COW.
"An Acupuncture Session"
I imagine it being like laughing gas without the creepy nose mask.

So basically this is awesome because more often than not people need to STFD, not stay awake. Red Bull while studying will just make you anxious, hyper and have bad nerves. Slow Cow while studying = calm and relaxed.

I'll take a 12 pack please.

Scientists, let's get this genetics ball rolling.

Okay so I have a bone to pick with genetic scientists. What is the purpose of a miniature horse?

Cute, sure. But what can a miniature horse do except for eat? You can't play fetch with a horse. You can't watch the horse roll around with a ball. YOU CAN'T EVEN RIDE IT UNLESS YOU WEIGH 20 LBS PROBABLY. Why are we engineering a miniature horse?!

We need to engineer miniature lions and tigers.

How ADORABLE are baby tigers?! They are like little puppies, but awesome because it's a tiger! Now just think, a baby tiger that never grows larger than the baby size. So you can keep it forever because it will always be able to fit inside your house! I think we need to shift our genetic focus from mini-horses to mini-tigers. And mini-lions.

SO scientists, get on top of that.

It's the Capri Sun of beer

Let me introduce you to the CarboPouch . Basically it's beer in, yea you guessed it, a pouch. The economical design features an organoleptic film structure that ensures no off flavors like the metallic kind you can get from beer cans. So, far they come in 3 sizes: the Single25 (8 oz), the Single45 (16 oz), and the StandUp Multi64 which hold up to 1.8 liters. Maybe we'll see some of our favorite beers in CarboPouch form on our grocery shelves sometime in the near future. Maybe.

Mace in your FACE!

In today's society, I feel that mace has become a staple for every woman/girl to own. If not, then you should get one. Right now! And what other cooler mace to own, then the Mace® Pepper Gun™?! This baby delivers a continuous stream of mace up to a distance of 25 feet, comes with an LED light to aim in the dark, has a safety on/off switch, and it even comes with a water cartridge to practice with! I don't think mace could have come in a doper vessel. Plusssss you can get it in pink! I mean, if you're no fan of girly girl Legally Blonde colors, they have blue, black and silver, but how deameaning would it be to an attacker if he got maced in the face by a pink mace gun?

Also, I'm not saying mace is just for girls, but boys should be carrying around manlier things, like LASERS!

Baby are you ready to lick me sexy uh uh?

More Things Cell Phones SHOULD be able to do...But Can't.

PLEASE MOMMA PLEASE.
I don't know the source of this though.

Things Cell Phones Should Be Able to Do, But Can't 1

LASERPHONE

Speaking of offensive things and awesomely BAMF inventions, I was reading Vice magazine (which is a deliciously offensive magazine that swears and publishes offensive articles and is generally awesome because of the lack of censorship/freedom of speech and I got my issue at American Apparel if that's any warning of how "offensive" it is).

Technology issue baby!

And in my technology issue there was an article about all of these invention ideas one of the people working for the magazine has thought of over the years. My favorite, the laser cell phone, had me rolling on the floor. So I had to share it. I'll list the other invention ideas he had as well just for lulz sake.

Top Loader Laptop
(A laptop that works like a typewriter. It forces one to "STRIVE FOR PERFECTION" since the top loader laptop doesn't allow you to backspace. It's permanent, just like a typewriter!)

A Mouthless Woman
Creates a quieter, BJ-less world.

A CELL PHONE WITH LASERS
"We've all be promised more than a little headway in the laser department for more than 30 years without seeing shit. Hello! Laser-developing motherfuckers! Star Trek and Star Wars gave a laser striptease a lifetime ago and we still haven't seen any action. I really don't give a shit about an iPhone with GPS because a) I have GPS in my car and b) I have eyes in my head. Where's a Chinese restaurant? Let me look around. Oh. There's one. What I need IS FUCKING LASERS. I need them to slice things, I need them to maim animals in the way of my car that I don't want to kill, I need them to kill people in the way of my dog that I don't want him to maim, I need them to shoot my mouthless woman in the ass just to remind her she can't scream. AND I NEED THEM NOW. So please, Bill Gates, I know you have lasers up that crazy tomorrow-house of yours, please share. Make the * key the laser button. No one uses that button anymore. *69? What the hell was that about? This is the future. * = laser = dead!"

Permanent Window-Lock Button
(Prevents his dog from jumping out the window while the car is moving. Also renders it impossible to pay toll and get fresh air.)

Titty-Milk Catching Bag
(A bag that catches breast milk like a dookie bag catches horse crap from those horses that pull carriages and what not)

A Light that Never Goes Out

An Exercising Mexican
(A mexican that exercises FOR YOU and you lose the weight while he exercises. So you can lose weight while laying on the couch)

The Vice Camera
(Takes pictures automatically elevated to the awesome level of Vice photographs. And delicously hipster at that)

Lonnie Sound Bite Machine
(A machine that has buttons that plays recordings of the author's retarded Uncle Lonnie cursing)

Oh man. But that Cell phone with lasers. The * button. ACE!
The author of this article was Chris Nieratko so if you want to look him up and email him letters of encouragement to invent the said cell phone...GO FO IT.
Ps. I told you this magazine was OFFENSIVE.

I kind of want this...

I think I'd still carry my other two knives around though.
My purse is just an arsenal of deadly weapons.
Key-shaped pocket knife. Attackers beware.

Beer + Biking = ???

BEER BIKING OF COURSE!

Amsterdam, you've done it. You've found a way to drink and drive at the same time! Wooo hoo! And it's legal! Downing beers while I pedal around and adventure the city? Who WOULDN'T be down? Someone bring this mobile bike bar to the U.S. asap!